you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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