There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
