so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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