Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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