went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
