Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
