I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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