So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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