I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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