he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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