Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
