omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
