I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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