Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
