Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
