I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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