I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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