and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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