Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
