Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
