I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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