Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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