I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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