So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
