What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
