i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
