Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
