its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
