I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
