Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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