wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
