last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
