your thong is hanging out like whoa
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
