Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
