Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
