when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
