she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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