saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
