My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
