Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
