Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
