Jerry, you need to find god
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Houston, we have a squirter
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
