I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
