i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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