Can Purell be used as lube?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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