Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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