Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
