ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
