i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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