three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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