I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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