I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
