she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
