Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize