what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
