So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
