; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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