im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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