a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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