What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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