I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
