I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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