i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
