My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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