he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Text me some of your sweat
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
