I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
