Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
