Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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