you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
