Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
