I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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