We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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