I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize