On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
