I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
