Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
