She is in my trunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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