How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
