I cockslap morals
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
