Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
