I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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