This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
