Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
