Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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